I wrote a complaint to the editors of People magazine a few months back.  It was the closest I will ever get to a byline in a national magazine.  My submission was as follows:

Dear Editors: 

There is nothing newsworthy about Jill & Derick to garner a cover story and six pages of content.  The Duggar Family is getting notoriety for procreating.  There must be other “People” in the world doing greater things. 

Sincerely,

Duggar Done

They didn’t print my remarks, but in one year’s time, each weekly issue of People has had some full story or quick update on the goings on of the Duggar Family.  The issue that was the last straw for me was a cover story with six pages of Derick and Jill’s pending first born.  Other than their love for each other and their celibate courtship we don’t learn much about the couple.  No careers, no hobbies, just love of God, each other, making babies and dinging pets with sleds.

Oh right, there was no mention of Derick going viral on You Tube, barreling down a snowy hill aiming for an unsuspecting family cat that meowed a yelp after getting clipped by the cookie sheet turned sled. Derick laughed at the poor cat, along with a few other Duggars.  I wonder if Derick confessed his act of animal cruelty to the preacher at the end of the week and said a few “Hail Mary’s” to redeem himself.

http://www.etonline.com/news/160574_watch_derick_dillard_try_to_run_over_a_cat_with_his_sled_while_duggar_family_cheers/

I was never among the 20 million viewers who watched 19 Kids and Counting.  Now the family is dealing with some real cover story news which interestingly enough, has not been a People cover story — just a small box on the upper corner of the cover with a photo of a stunned looking Josh Duggar.  Caitlyn Jenner trumped Josh, guilty of diddling his tween sisters.

Maybe the Duggar Family sells magazines.  But I won’t be resubscribing to People magazine next year.  Along with regular updates on everything Duggar, we are still waiting for Jennifer Aniston to marry and give birth, or learn about yet another murder mystery of some forgotten woman, or read, again, about The American Sniper widow.

My hope is that someday there will be a cover story about one of the Duggar daughters fleeing Arkansas.  Maybe Joy-Anna or Johanna Faith or little Josie will go to college and earn a bachelor’s degree in finance. She’ll fly to a study abroad program in Spain to learn a second language and check out some cool art, eat some tapas in a Madrid café, swim topless in the Mediterranean and do some day trips to Portugal and Moracco.  After college she’ll get a job at an investment firm where she’ll apply her aptitude for figures, train to be a hedge fund manager and flirt heavily with the cute guy in the cubicle across the way.

Little Josie or Joy-Anna or Johanna Faith will make friends and buy a little condo with stainless steel appliances.  She won’t be in a hurry to have a family because she wants to discover her passion in life and understands there are different paths and new adventures other than having babies.  She can still love God, cut her hair above her shoulders and ditch the knee-high socks.

Now that would be a front page story I would want to read.